As students trickled onto campus at the beginning of the school year, they all noticed one thing at the front entrance of UMBC: a giant-ass flat screen. It flabbergasted many; UMBC senior Ash Ketchup claims that as soon as he saw the screen, he drove back home. “I don’t have time for this bullshit,” he said, “if the school has the money to put a giant-ass flat screen on its shitty gym center, then it should be spending money on better toilet paper for my giant ass!”
Many other students complained about the new screen. Sophomore Harry Ambe found it unnecessary and dumb. “If people need something larger than life to look at then they should just look at Hrabowski.”
Meanwhile, the screen itself felt that the students were being too harsh. It told me that its purpose was to just add aesthetic to the school, and didn’t understand why everyone was being so hateful. However, a couple months has passed, and the giant-ass screen seems to be more accepted by the UMBC community, albeit begrudgingly. It knew that repeatedly showing videos of adorable puppies would eventually have a positive effect on the students. “It’s what Freeman would’ve wanted,” the screen proudly claimed.
One student gave us a positive response to the giant-ass screen recently. “I guess it’s okay now,” she said, “cuz we’ve all gotten used to looking at it, just like how we get used to looking at Trump or ISIS. It just becomes normalized into depressing, uneventful, day to day life.”
There has been talk of future plans involving a second giant-ass screen even bigger than the first being placed right next to the original, because aesthetics.