Dear Emmanem #3: Basement Dweller

Dear Emmanem: So my mom is constantly yelling at me every day of my life. I’ve had to put up with this incessant nagging for so long that I have become crazy and am almost motivated enough to live on my own. Almost. She always screams things like “why don’t you ever help with house chores,” or “you better get a real fucking job or else,” or “you’re 32 and you’re living in my basement, why can’t you do anything in life!” Why can’t she just leave me alone so I can get back to League of Legends? I’m so sick of putting up with her. What should I do?

–LIFE IS SO HARD
Dear LIFE IS SO HARD: I have the perfect solution. Buy an assault rifle from your nearest gun shop and keep it with you at all times. Once she sees you with it, if she’s smart enough, she will keep her mouth shut. If she doesn’t, and continues to nag you, shoot her in the foot. This will cause her immense pain, but it won’t kill her. You need to keep her alive so she can pay the bills. Hopefully after that you will never be bothered again! Enjoy your nerd game!

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